Control

Sometimes I run out; out of words, situations and my mind. It creeps you know? This hunger. You could be talking and suddenly like a bullet shot, I don’t see or hear the words any more, I’m numbed. I watch your lips and how they curve into the letter shapes and how the fluidly they move – up and down then around. Then I watch your tongue, see how it swirls around, looking for something. Then the hunger – desire – whatever name this beast likes to be called, has me wanting to divulge in your existence. Like my hands lifting mid-air, mid conversation and you wonder why and I’m dying inside hoping you can see it in my eyes. I want you and I can’t control how I feel and what I want. Then my mind runs out and I am stuck on auto pilot, replaying your moving lips – torturing myself. Hands in the air, reaching out for you.

– K

Fuels

Fuels
                     underneath the sun’s guard,
bodies move in unison
       
          with the knock of the drum

as feet upset the dust of the earth
                whilst beads beat against chests
and laughter mingles in the air
 
– that is my fuel of my African soul

.

– K

Thievery

My mind ran through the backdoor of my childhood home and it knocked over the jar that my mother loved yet she paid no thoughts to it. She had busied herself in the kitchen trying to cover the stench of the man who had visited during naptime. She painted the house with the aromatic smells of the dinner that my father would burst through the door and expect after his flight home. My mind retreats into the corner as he combusts while he finds the remnants of the intruder in the bed he laid. It numbs as he bubbles over in tears and shakes with violent twists, declaring thievery.

– K

Calls

3 am you called me from your hotel room in China,  telling me how much you miss me, miss us. That the scorched bridges that we left behind have come back to haunt you. I can hear the city in background and I focus on that, scared that if I focus in on you and your voice I might find myself wanting you again. I’ve worked too hard for that. You’re good and I am too but together we’re toxic and lord knows how long it took for me to comprehend that . God it’s terrible because I can feel you clutching on that phone and the bill running in the same way my sanity is slipping from me. In some crazy way I’m hoping that it’s an illusion, a moment of weakness, a dream of some sort because you’ll always win even if I don’t want you to.

– K

Green Eyed Monster

That night we met, I guess the energy was percolating because I’ve never pulled over on the road, let alone at night. I don’t know what it was, your vintage car or your eyes that had me stepping out my car. You looked at me like some creature that you had never seen before and I was glad it was dark enough to cover my facial expressions.  You had stark green eyes and a smile that sent me to my demise. Stranger in the night, I still think about you even a year later, I’ve been searching for you on the roads – sometimes I see a mirage of you – but I can’t seem to catch it.

I miss you, wherever you are.
Stranger in the night.

– K