Control

Sometimes I run out; out of words, situations and my mind. It creeps you know? This hunger. You could be talking and suddenly like a bullet shot, I don’t see or hear the words any more, I’m numbed. I watch your lips and how they curve into the letter shapes and how the fluidly they move – up and down then around. Then I watch your tongue, see how it swirls around, looking for something. Then the hunger – desire – whatever name this beast likes to be called, has me wanting to divulge in your existence. Like my hands lifting mid-air, mid conversation and you wonder why and I’m dying inside hoping you can see it in my eyes. I want you and I can’t control how I feel and what I want. Then my mind runs out and I am stuck on auto pilot, replaying your moving lips – torturing myself. Hands in the air, reaching out for you.

– K

Calls

3 am you called me from your hotel room in China,  telling me how much you miss me, miss us. That the scorched bridges that we left behind have come back to haunt you. I can hear the city in background and I focus on that, scared that if I focus in on you and your voice I might find myself wanting you again. I’ve worked too hard for that. You’re good and I am too but together we’re toxic and lord knows how long it took for me to comprehend that . God it’s terrible because I can feel you clutching on that phone and the bill running in the same way my sanity is slipping from me. In some crazy way I’m hoping that it’s an illusion, a moment of weakness, a dream of some sort because you’ll always win even if I don’t want you to.

– K

Green Eyed Monster

That night we met, I guess the energy was percolating because I’ve never pulled over on the road, let alone at night. I don’t know what it was, your vintage car or your eyes that had me stepping out my car. You looked at me like some creature that you had never seen before and I was glad it was dark enough to cover my facial expressions.  You had stark green eyes and a smile that sent me to my demise. Stranger in the night, I still think about you even a year later, I’ve been searching for you on the roads – sometimes I see a mirage of you – but I can’t seem to catch it.

I miss you, wherever you are.
Stranger in the night.

– K

Complexity

Complexity

I hate that superior complex that you have. Those moments that you seem to try and dominate every aspect of my life. I hate that you don’t want to acknowledge my presence and worth when I need you to. Like I’m some object for your pleasing. You like it when I doll myself up and sit next to you while you talk your business friends, sometimes – most of the time – you parade me around in front of them like an object they can’t obtain.  While I’m not an object,  objects don’t have feelings and well mine are hurt.

K